6 Signs It’s Lust, Not Love


6 Signs It’s Lust, Not Love

It happens to many guys, where you’ve got a girl for one thing and a girl for another, and you don’t really want to lose either of them, but you don’t really know why. Women do it too; they call it having male friends. You’re not necessarily doing anything wrong with either one of them, any more than they are; you just haven’t pinned anyone down for anything serious…yet. Whether you will or not remains to be seen, and if all parties are aware and OK with the arrangements, no harm no foul. This simply means, your bases are covered.

But everybody knows this can’t last forever, so what do you do when it’s time to make a choice? Sometimes the request comes from her, and sometimes it’s you who needs to do the introspection. If you are trying to figure out whether it’s lust or love with one particular girl, check to see how many of these signs you cross off your mental list when you are weighing the pros and cons.

The Details:

  • “Hot” is the first word that comes to mind when you think of her. If this is how you describe her to your friends, repeatedly, then it might not be love. Your intentions are matched by how you describe her. If you can’t even remember her name, no, you don’t love her.
  • What she says or thinks is irrelevant to you. It’s not that you are uncaring; you just only have time, energy and brain compartments for people that matter. And she’s not one of them; her compartment is an entirely different organ as far as you are concerned.


You think it’s great that she is smart and has a life; you just aren’t as concerned about it as you would be if say, you wanted to one day buy her a present that matched her deepest darkest emotion. That’s not your role, and you both are OK with that.


  • She meets a need, and that’s it. You aren’t going to call her when you have a bad day unless you need to physically blow off some steam. You might go out for dinner with her, but there’s a definite end game in mind, drinks at her place or yours is more likely just an end to a means.


  • You only contact her after midnight. This is the universal message of booty call, for both men and women. You love being with her, yes, but you don’t love her. When she says no because she’s too upset that her cat died, you are disappointed, but not because she is sad about her cat. Again, it’s not that you are unfeeling; she just plays a different role in your life than someone who you have deep loving feelings for.
  • She wants you to say the “L” word, and you…don’t. If you can’t even bring yourself to say the word, it isn’t love. People who are in love love everything about the person they are with ¾ they love eating fries with them, they love hanging out with them, they love everything about them. If you think she’s cool and you can’t bring yourself to up the ante on the emotions any more than that, then, you think she’s cool. Period.


  • You don’t picture her in your life. Christian Carter, relationship expert for women and author of How to Catch Him and Keep Him, says that both men and women begin to subconsciously visualize the people that they begin falling in love with in their lives. If you are having Sunday dinner with mom and are asked when you are bringing her over and your first thought is, “Why?”, then you don’t love her.

The Bottom Line:

The bottom line is that if you need to ask whether it is lust or love, then it probably isn’t love. There is nothing wrong with that so long as you are clear about your intentions when you are in the dating game.

Maybe one day you will settle down, and maybe one day, you won’t. But if the woman you are with right now is not someone you can visualize in your life in the long term, there’s nothing wrong with that. Knowing the difference between lust and love will make it that much easier for you to enjoy the world of dating with the most honest and clear intentions possible.